Rejection

I wanted to share my thoughts on rejection, especially since it's been something that's been recurring in almost all areas of my recent life. One instance of rejection that has really been..painful..has to do with a girl named Pearls. Last week, I asked her out to a...JK! Haha, I'm too much of a busy chicken to have anything that dramatic ;).

But seriously, this year has been a year full of rejections. My application to work at Microsoft, my recording submission for the Stanford soundtrack, my scholarship application for CESASC, my summer research position interviews (although I later actually got it), my jazz piano lessons; these are just a few of my failed endeavors from this year.

One more recent rejection has to do with InterVarsity, my fellowship here at Stanford. The structure of IV at Stanford involves having bible studies around geographic locations all over campus, each headed by a bible study leader and a ministry team. This year, I was fortunate enough to be a part of the West Campus ministry team. I had not planned on being on a ministry team because being on one would mean I would have to live with them, which isn't a bad thing, but I just didn't feel called to do that. However, I really wanted to be a part of one, and God totally answered my prayers; during the summer, I was asked if I wanted to join a Ministry team regardless of where I lived. I remember that moment so well; it was amazing to see how God really moved in power. In contrast to last year, this year, I applied to be part of a ministry team, committed to even living with IV. However, I was rejected from being part of the ministry team. Last night, I had a conversation with my good friend and future bible study leader Thomas. During out conversation, we talked about why being on the ministry team wouldn't be life giving to me, especially since I'm so busy with schoolwork and whatnot. Although I have to agree with him about the busyness, it was still surprisingly painful to hear him say this to me. I felt like I had poured out my entire self into InterVarsity, giving up my fraternity time, my music, and even my schoolwork to serve, and to be barred from the ministry team felt like I was being labeled as useless and unworthy, or so the Enemy was telling me.

So, as you can tell, I've been thinking a lot about rejection heh. I realize a lot of the pain associated with rejection is just the effect of my own prideful idealization of how life should be run. It's crucial to rely on God's perfect will for our lives, but does that mean that you shouldn't plan for your life? What about having free will and the power to choose versus the will of God? I mean, I understand that God is the provider of everything I need (...And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever - Psalms 73:25-26), but what about my desires? (Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart - Psalms 37:4)

At any rate, one explanation I came up with for why I feel so terrible now is the fact that I'm created in the likeness and image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), meaning the pain that I feel now is the same pain that He feels whenever I reject him. And when do I reject God? Whenever I sin, which is pretty much daily. I can't even imagine the pain that God must go through each day because of me, but yet his love is perfect and unconditional, and he loves me even in my brokenness and rejection of him. I've just realized how silly I am; everything that I've been rejected from is something that is man-made, some value that is conjured up out of thin air. Rejection here on this earth is to not be valued by man, but as long as my God loves me, why should I look elsewhere? Haha, I change like the wind.

Anyways, I'll end on a more positive note heh.  For my first assignment for my cs107 class, I had to create this program called RSG, short for Random Sentence Generator.  One of the topics of random generation was rejection letters heh.  Here's one sample that I randomly generated; I hope you enjoy:

Applicant  :  We would like to start off by saying that this year's applicants made selection a very difficult process.  Among those that applied this year were 38 child prodigies  , 275 team captains  , and an unprecedented 356 valedictorians  .   Unfortunately,  you were not one of them.  We're turning down your application.  We feel our students are what make are school so strong. However, we sincerely felt that that you could not in any way contribute to this.    We wish you luck in your future academic endeavors. - The Admissions Office