I wanted to share my thoughts on rejection, especially since it's been something that's been recurring in almost all areas of my recent life. One instance of rejection that has really been..painful..has to do with a girl named Pearls. Last week, I asked her out to a...JK! Haha, I'm too much of a busy chicken to have anything that dramatic ;).
But seriously, this year has been a year full of rejections. My application to work at Microsoft, my recording submission for the Stanford soundtrack, my scholarship application for CESASC, my summer research position interviews (although I later actually got it), my jazz piano lessons; these are just a few of my failed endeavors from this year.
One more recent rejection has to do with InterVarsity, my fellowship here at Stanford. The structure of IV at Stanford involves having bible studies around geographic locations all over campus, each headed by a bible study leader and a ministry team. This year, I was fortunate enough to be a part of the West Campus ministry team. I had not planned on being on a ministry team because being on one would mean I would have to live with them, which isn't a bad thing, but I just didn't feel called to do that. However, I really wanted to be a part of one, and God totally answered my prayers; during the summer, I was asked if I wanted to join a Ministry team regardless of where I lived. I remember that moment so well; it was amazing to see how God really moved in power. In contrast to last year, this year, I applied to be part of a ministry team, committed to even living with IV. However, I was rejected from being part of the ministry team. Last night, I had a conversation with my good friend and future bible study leader Thomas. During out conversation, we talked about why being on the ministry team wouldn't be life giving to me, especially since I'm so busy with schoolwork and whatnot. Although I have to agree with him about the busyness, it was still surprisingly painful to hear him say this to me. I felt like I had poured out my entire self into InterVarsity, giving up my fraternity time, my music, and even my schoolwork to serve, and to be barred from the ministry team felt like I was being labeled as useless and unworthy, or so the Enemy was telling me.
So, as you can tell, I've been thinking a lot about rejection heh. I realize a lot of the pain associated with rejection is just the effect of my own prideful idealization of how life should be run. It's crucial to rely on God's perfect will for our lives, but does that mean that you shouldn't plan for your life? What about having free will and the power to choose versus the will of God? I mean, I understand that God is the provider of everything I need (...And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever - Psalms 73:25-26), but what about my desires? (Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart - Psalms 37:4)
At any rate, one explanation I came up with for why I feel so terrible now is the fact that I'm created in the likeness and image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), meaning the pain that I feel now is the same pain that He feels whenever I reject him. And when do I reject God? Whenever I sin, which is pretty much daily. I can't even imagine the pain that God must go through each day because of me, but yet his love is perfect and unconditional, and he loves me even in my brokenness and rejection of him. I've just realized how silly I am; everything that I've been rejected from is something that is man-made, some value that is conjured up out of thin air. Rejection here on this earth is to not be valued by man, but as long as my God loves me, why should I look elsewhere? Haha, I change like the wind.
4/29/08
Rejection
Anyways, I'll end on a more positive note heh. For my first assignment for my cs107 class, I had to create this program called RSG, short for Random Sentence Generator. One of the topics of random generation was rejection letters heh. Here's one sample that I randomly generated; I hope you enjoy:
Applicant : We would like to start off by saying that this year's applicants made selection a very difficult process. Among those that applied this year were 38 child prodigies , 275 team captains , and an unprecedented 356 valedictorians . Unfortunately, you were not one of them. We're turning down your application. We feel our students are what make are school so strong. However, we sincerely felt that that you could not in any way contribute to this. We wish you luck in your future academic endeavors. - The Admissions Office
4/28/08
Our Delight
AISH there's no time to post, but i have big developments a-coming soon! everything from music to sex (yes, i said it and no, i haven't abandoned gone and turned into a lewd maniac).
For the time being, i'm pulling a jon and posting music! this album is pretty amazing musically, especially since it features 8 different japanese jazz jartists (sorry, couldn't help the alliteration), from three different ensembles, the Ichiro Masuda Quartet, Yositaka Akitmitsu Trio, and Kotaro Tsukahara Trio. the album was recorded in 1989, and not unlike good wine, it's gotten better over the years. anyways, grab a chair on a cool, spring night, let the stars smile down upon you, and while you sip your wine (jk..or boba), have a little listen to the beauty that is Our Delight.
4/7/08
Justice League of..."Love"?!
Anyways, I just wanted to share my thoughts on this show before I forget what I've learned already (I've picked up this bad habit of forgetting everything I learn in a quarter's time):
Justice League (and later Justice League Unlimited, the not-so-good extension of the original series) features multiple superheroes banding together to stop forces of evil all over the world, although most of the evil seems to root itself in either Gotham or Metropolis in this series. One of the main problems of this scenario is the fact that there are a lot of superheroes. I mean, sure, you want to try to emphasize the importance of teamwork, and interesting scenarios can be developed with many superheroes, but I just don't buy it. Maybe after you read a brief synopsis of the characters, you'll agree with me:
SUPERMAN
Comes fully packaged with all his original powers: super speed, super strength, super flying powers, super eye lasers, and super see through vision. The only weakness he has (besides women heh) is Kryptonite, which seems to be present in every weapon on the show (there's an episode with a nuclear missile which is coated in Kryptonite...yeaaah)
BATMAN
On screen, he still almost identical to his dark knight portrait in the earlier cartoon series. In this series, he's more known for his intellect and prowess as a detective, less for his strength as a hero.
MARTIAN MAN EATER
Ok, this bad boy is truly a beast. Super strength, the ability to read people's minds, the ability to walk through walls / people (instant KO), AND the ability to become whatever/whomever he wants, with the added bonus of also having their super power. Wow, forget the Justice League, Martian Man Eater is where it's at! Unfortunately for him, since he's so powerful, the series tries extra hard to downplay him as a true beast, thus resulting in him usually getting his butt kicked.
WONDER WOMAN
Hailed as a demi-goddess from the land of Hera, she can fly, kick some serious butt, reflecting projectiles off of her bracelets, and has a whip that magically extends to however long she wants.
FLASH
IMO, the worst of them all. He's the fastest superhero, but that's about it. He can win olympic medals all day, but when it comes to being a superhero, I'm super sorry for him.
HAWK GIRL
This character reminds me of Harvey Birdman, the ridiculous lawyer superhero from the Space Ghost series. She has a permanent pair of hawk wings on her back, allowing her to fly (duh). Also, she has this electric mace which she uses to destroy anything / everything in her path.
GREEN LANTERN
One of my favorites, he's an ex-marine who has a magical green ring, which allows him to create anything he wants. For instance, the green ring is usually used as a shield, but it can also allow him to lift ridiculously heavy objects as well as become a weapon. Oh, and he can fly.
As you can see, it seems like the League is unbeatable, at least with their stats objectively laid out. That's where this series hurts itself; it makes the superheroes weaker than they actually are in order to give the enemies a better chance / make the plot more interesting. I usually see Superman getting whacked more than I see him doing the whacking. Plus, in light of other superhero series that features only one superhero, this series seriously suffers (a little alliteration, anyone?). For instance, the original Batman cartoon series. Batman was a true beast in those episodes! He always managed to trick all the bad guys, rescue the damsal / high tech piece of equipment that was stolen, while still managing his billion dollar business as Bruce Wayne. But now? He's reduced to one of seven superheroes who still can't beat one bad guy :/.
One more interesting thing about JL before I watch another episode haha, is the fact that this series really pushes the envelope for a cartoon series in terms of romance. Yes, you read right, ROMANCE! There's a TON of drama that goes down in these series between the superheroes. I mean, I think I've seen at least 5 pseudo-relationships and 2 actual relationships bud between the characters in only 6 - 7 episodes! Most of it is pretty illegit IMO; there's an episode where Batman has to prove his *LOVE* for someone. You can view it here. While you're watching it, try to hold your jaws together; mine almost fell off at least 5 times. Although I bag on JL for their emphasis on romance, there is one relationship that really surprised me to the point where I thought it was pretty well executed, although still illegit hahahaha. If you really want to find out and you have 10 - 12 hours to kill hahahaha, go to veoh.com and search for justice league. There are a few episodes there to watch; I suggest watching all of them before you watch Starcrossed, the episode that reveals the relationship drama which I was referring to. It's also one of the best episodes, if not THE best.
Aish, curse you procrastination!
4/1/08
Yuja Wang
wow.
i just got back from the sf symphony hall after watching yuja wang beast up a concert. here's a quick clip of her tearing up the keys.
here's a record of the adventure that amos and i have gone through these past two nights:
3/30/2008
Amos surprised me with tickets to the SF symphony for 3/30, featuring the one and only Yuja Wang and Sir Neville blahblah, who founded the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields, which was the group that recorded the soundtrack for the famous movie Amadeus.
Anyways, Mikey, Jeanette, Amos, and I left Stanford around 5ish to make the 8:00 concert. However, the concert actually started at 7:00, so by the time we had got to the symphony hall, Yuja's performance was almost over!
Frustrated, Amos and I were trying to think of a plan to meet her. Amos somehow knew of the musician's entrance to the hall, so we went there to beg the security guards to let us in.
We ended up staying there for the entire second half + 4 encores :/ until we FINALLY saw Yuja walking towards the exit. As she left, we went up to her and explained
that we were wondering if we could get an autograph / photo with her, to which she kindly obliged to and gave us both. During our conversation with her, we asked if she could
play the the Volodos piece (the youtube video) as an encore for tomorrow night's performance. She said that she had already played the Volodos piece last year at SF and implied that she didn't want to play it, but she said she would play it. We had to come back the following night and find out if she was true to her word!
3/31/2008
Amos convinces me to go with him again to the SF Symphony hall to watch Yuja play. Too bad for us that she's playing Mozart compared to Mendelssohn :/, but it was Yuja, so we weren't complaining. Amos purposely
bought us tickets in the third row from the front so we could get a lot of applause going for an encore at the end. When Yuja finally finished playing the concerto, we were too shy to stand up at first. But, lucky for us, some
guy in the first row stood up, so we just had to stand up and keep the applause going. Sure enough, Yuja came back out for the encore and decided to play...the VOLODOS! It was absolutely beautiful, and even though she messed
up towards the end, we were just speechless at how beastly she played it. We tried to meet her again at the intermission, so we tried sneaking in the back door, but it was locked and we had no luck trying to force it open. When
we went back to the musician's entrance, the security guards there told us Yuja had already left. NOOOO! It was tragic, but we were super happy that she played the Volodos. I still maintain that Yuja played the Volodos for Amos
especially since:
1. She had already played the Volodos last year
2. The Volodos is freaaaking hard to play, so she would have had to practice it, etc.
3. She didn't really want to play an encore (She said so the night before)
4. She didn't have any encore pieces ready (She played a second encore after the Volodos, but it wasn't an encore piece)
Basically, she played the piece per Amos' request, and that's a true beast!
ps
Happy April Fool's Day! (no plans for this fool though :/ )
Should I write about this past Spring Break awesomeness?
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